When our kids were children, we had to move, taking them away from their schools and friends. One night, I was out shopping and found the largest stuffed animals I had ever seen. These floppy-eared dogs were more than twice as long as my oldest was tall.
Because I wanted each child to enjoy this special gift with me, I planned to give them one at a time. Sarah came outside when she heard me drive up, and I brought out her dog! Her eyes were never so big, her joy EXACTLY what I had expected. Before I knew it, she ran inside, floppy-dog flopping even more and trailing behind her as she ran. Bethany and Jesse met her, coming the other way, and as only a child could in that instant, each must have assumed that I loved Sarah more than they. Their expressions of sadness and disbelief as they came out the door fully powered by their lack of floppy-dog.
One look at their faces and I wept. I fell to the ground with sadness. I didn’t just sniffle, big tears best described by the term “weep”. I was so sad because they were sad. It hurt deeply that I had let them down. It didn’t matter that I knew I had the same great gift for both to them. It didn’t matter that I knew that their response was that of a child, ignorant of the unseen and unknown around them. All that mattered at that moment was that I felt sad because they felt sad.
I simply pulled their floppy-dogs from the trunk of the car, and there were smiles all around. Hero. Strong emotions. Happy ending.
But Jesus did weep. Unfortunately, the scripture doesn’t directly tell us why. Our experience tells us that he was sad because Lazarus’ friends and family were sad, that his friend had died.
The scripture tells us:
He was reprimanded by Mary – “…if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (v. 32).
He was moved in spirit and troubled by her weeping, and that of the Jews with her (v. 33)
He was escorted to the tomb (v.34)
And we are then told that He wept. (v.35)
But we’re also told in the broader passage:
As soon as He heard that Lazarus was sick, He announced that the story would not end in death. (vs. 4)
The entire episode from sickness, to death, to raised from death was planned to give God glory (vs. 4)
He chose to delay his departure to see Lazarus for two days, ensuring that Lazarus would die, even though John notes that Jesus loved Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. (vs. 7)
He knew that Lazarus had died before he left (vs. 11)
He clearly states that He is glad that Lazarus has died, because of the faith that would develop in this God-glorifying experience (vs. 14-15)
And because it is important to us, especially at this time in our culture, that Jesus empathize with us, we conclude that the spirit moved in Him and He was troubled by what He had allowed to happen. That’s right, He had purposely allowed Lazarus to die. And therefore, based on these two verses, we must conclude that this is why He wept. (*See Haha above.)
When one reads this for the first time, they often filter this response through their own experiences. We can think of all the reasons why we would weep, and it doesn’t take long to find one that resonates.
However, this is a common mistake – for one to ascribe to Jesus motivations that resonate with one’s own heart will at best be close, and at worst be naught. Our answer to a “Why” question is almost always less: less sufficient, less correct, less in alignment with His will, less to His glory and more to ours.
I don’t believe that Jesus wept for this reason. He was not sad because they were sad. It did not hurt Him deeply because He had not let them down. It mattered that He knew He had a great gift for them all. It mattered that He knew that their response was because they were ignorant of the unseen and unknown around them. And, of all that mattered in that moment, the least of what mattered was that they felt sad.
Ok, then. Why do you think He wept?
I don’t think that Jesus just ambled around the planet looking for good things to do while He was here. I believe He was the God-man on purpose. Every place He went, every conversation He had, every person He touched, every lesson He taught, and the way He taught every lesson were all by design. His three years of ministry were designed to prepare the world as a farmer would prepare the soil, as well as a small cadre of followers to how to farm. He wasted no time on this effort, as He had none to waste. It was critical to my salvation and yours, and to all those who came before, and all those that will follow, that this small cadre be forever committed to bear fruit from the Gospel.
As Jesus approached the grave of Lazarus, there were at least three things He knew. We can only be sure of two of them.
He knew Lazarus was dead.
Doornail dead. Dead and buried. And the scripture here informs us very well.
And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment. Hebrews 9:27 (cf Rev 20:12, 15)
There is no third option for mankind. Our eternal existence will either a celebration in the presence of the Father or a desperate desolation absent the presence of the Father. Heaven or Hell. Eternal Life or Eternal Death. We either live once and die twice, or we live twice and die once.
Because Lazarus was dead, he was in one or the other.
Many would say Heaven. After all, Jesus loved him and he loved Jesus. He was a follower. But, based on everything Mary and Martha said to Jesus at the funeral, did He really understand salvation?
Some might say Hell. Not because Lazarus was a bad guy (that’s not why people are separated from God), but because Jesus had not yet resurrected; He had not yet paid the price for the sin of all the world. It was not possible to be saved by faith because the grave still had its victory and death still had its sting. (1 Cor 15:55).
For the sake of this conversation, it matters little which one was true. Because the question is, Why did Jesus weep?
Let’s say that it was the latter. That Lazarus was separated from God. Standing across from that grave, Jesus would have known the price that Lazarus paid for this lesson to be taught. Jesus would have known the foreshadowing of His own forsakenness on the cross yet to come (see The Cross vs the Grave). I believe that His knowing what his friend had had to endure for days would have caused him enough duress to weep.
On the other hand, let’s say it was the former. That Lazarus was in the presence of God. Standing across from that grave, Jesus would have known the price that Lazarus was about to pay for this lesson to be taught. Jesus knew full well what it was like to leave perfection to walk among sinful mankind. He knew the glory of the Father and joy of His presence like no other. And He would know that to call Lazarus from the grave would be to call Him away – to call him back to sin, sorrow, and death once more. I believe this, too, would be cause enough for Jesus to weep.
He knew the Cross was next.
Two things of note happened after Lazarus came forth.
First, while many of the Jews that were there believed in Him (v.45), others ran to the Pharisees to report on Jesus. This act of raising Lazarus was the last straw for the Pharisees. Verse 53 summarizes the result of their conversation: “So, from that day on, they made plans to put Him to death.”
Secondly, because of this very real threat, Jesus went into hiding. But He wasn’t hiding out of fear. We know that He was able to walk through violent crowds without receiving even a scratch (Luke 4:28-30).
He was hiding because it was not yet His time. Passover was His time, and it was fast approaching. In fact, John reports nothing in his Gospel account between Jesus going into hiding at the end of Chapter 11, and then His coming out of hiding in preparation for the Passover in the beginning of Chapter 12. Jesus knew the Cross was next.
His Followers Still Did Not Get It.
Just consider the following comments from his follows in this passage. This is not an attempt to belittle those closest to Jesus. Neither you nor I would have gotten it at this point either.
vs 16: Upon hearing that Jesus would not be deterred from going to Lazarus, Thomas “knew” that they were all going to die. (His followers’ early death was not at all part of His plan.)
vss 21-27: Martha’s first words to Jesus were of complaint and blame. You can just hear her cry, “This is all your fault!”
Then she turned to a request only He could fulfill, but she really didn’t believe it. She says that “…even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Sounds like faith. But when Jesus tells her that Lazarus will rise again, she repeats the promise of the resurrection in the distant last days. She was really speaking out of her pain and loss, and wanted Jesus to cure that pain and loss. (Nowhere is it in God’s plan that those who are called by His name will be absent pain and loss. In fact, it’s just the opposite. The world is not our home. The world system is not our friend. Christians are belittled, maligned, mistreated, ostracized, and/or murdered in places all over the world because of Christ.)
vss 28-36: Now it’s Mary’s turn to blame Him, repeating what she and Martha must surely have repeated to one another time and again while they waited for Jesus to come. “If only he had been here….”
vss 38-40: He had told them that God would be glorified, but they argued with Him!
Jesus: Remove the stone.
Crowd: That can’t be right! Don’t you know the dead body will stink by now?
Jesus knew Lazarus was paying a high price.
He knew that the Cross was next.
And He knew that His closest followers still did not yet get it. And this living parable was the solution for that.
I would have cried, too.
How is it possible that we have the faith to believe the Jesus is in control, and yet argue with Him and blame Him when things don’t go our way?
Sometimes, we don’t get it either. We’re supposed to want things to go His way.
Stage 14: First In the 914 Series: M2|P2 – Aligning Materials & Methods with your People & Plan
I have a confession to make. I love The Profit, a show on CNBC featuring Marcus Lemonis, CEO of Camping World and other companies. He invests his own money to help failing businesses turn into successful enterprises. His mantra: People, Process, and Product. His focus is on developing and aligning all three. With the right people, the right process, and the right product, the sky’s the limit. Every episode features a company that passes the product test in one way or another. Lemonis imagines that if he can develop and align the people and the process, (and sometimes improve the product), the product has a chance to multiply to be a large chain or franchise organization; the original location replicating itself time and again. He is able to be successful in this because of the wisdom he’s gained through years of experience and working with dozens of companies.
Every episode/product requires the creation of different processes. He likes to find companies that are (1) unique and (2) better meet some need than other existing companies. On each episode you’ll see him create processes that align with the end in mind and the people involved. I say create, because there is no book, PDF, or 3-ring binder of one-size fits all processes for every company. To be effective, he must know (1) principles and values related to effectiveness; (2) the resources and logistics that are available for product and delivery; and (3) the wildly varied issues (positive and negative) that relate to the people:
On almost every episode, he works with people to help them overcome the “people” issues that are derailing their dreams. He works with people that you would think should move out of the way. He works with people that are in destructive relationships with their spouse (co-owner) and/or co-workers. And with some measure of grace, helps them become part of the success. Sometimes it works… sometimes not.
He sees in his mind’s eye “the end” – what the reality looks like if alignment can happen. And it’s with this end in mind that he strives to help businesses toward success. It is important to know that the end
is NOT the development of people
is NOT the improvement of the product
is NOT the creation of a process.
All of those contribute. But in a broad sense they are all processes, or enhanced by processes. They are not the end – the “thing” that we should be striving for. If they were, then one could just imagine, for example, that every entity would be successful if they could just convince their people that their life-long development (ie, learning) is the key. To continually join groups to study and learn is the key. To always be studying and learning is the key. Sound familiar?
The people in our churches are every bit as messy as the people in the episodes of The Profit. However, if our ministry with them does not have an end in mind – if we cannot see what their lives and our church would look like… should look like… if we could develop them into replicating, Gospel participants (process and product), then we do not have a chance at getting close to that end.
We will fall into the “process” strategy: the things we are supposed to do. The things everyone else does. And by “supposed to”, I mean the idea that the greatest thing we can do is to become a mature Christ follower (become a better Christian, more like Christ, giving glory to Him). And the best way (the only way some know) to do that is through our our own self-help program (process).
Find some way to serve (because you’re supposed to)
Tithe (because you’re supposed to)
None of these things are bad in and of themselves. They can all be helpful in our spiritual development. But don’t miss this: Not one of those activities involves real world, hands-on, in the wild experience with anyone – especially the lost! (Well, some find a way to occasionally serve in the wild, but most serve inside the walls of the church or their group). And, don’t miss this… you would be hard pressed to find where Jesus emphasized this list in His training with the Disciples.
If presented as the way to apply scripture to our lives, rather than as some ways to synthesize the truth of Christ and His call into our lives, then what you are left with is the perpetual call to
Attend Worship weekly
Join a group
Have a quiet time
Keep a journal
Find some way to serve
The Promise Unfulfilled
For the vast majority of believers, this is the “end”, the “thing” that their churches promote. If you’ll just do these things/follow this process, you’ll be more like Christ; you’ll be closer to Christ; you’ll be “mature”. This is how you follow Him and bring glory to Him.
Jeff Bezos has rightfully said:
But if you’re not watchful, the process can become the thing… You stop looking at outcomes and just make sure you’re doing the process right …. The process is not the thing. It’s always worth asking, do we own the process or does the process own us?”
It is easy for church leaders to imagine what a successful process looks like. In fact, it is easy to work toward this goal, that our church would one day have:
All of our people attend Worship weekly
All of our people join a group
All of our people memorize scripture
All of our people have a quiet time
All of our people keep a journal
All of our people find some way to serve
All of our people tithe (can I get an Amen?)
Unfortunately, passionate, sold-out (ie, mature) Christ followers (what Bezos would call outcomes) rarely occur from this process. You may know, or think you know, one or two mature followers that came from following this process. You may know (or think you know) dozens or hundreds. In those cases, one of two things is likely true:
We don’t share the same definition of passionate, sold-out Christ follower
Those you know had other, “more maturing” experiences in their lives. These may have come from opportunities presented by the church and/or through (un-scripted by us), God-ordained encounters and experiences.
The vast majority of believers do not sign up for this journey. Of those that do, most stop at some point. Not because of their maturity level, but because…
I’m Not Being Fed
No wonder that one of the biggest complaints of those who change churches or leave church altogether is the “lack of being fed”. We have promised them that all these things will feed them. That in doing these things, they will be able to feed themselves. And while these do feed followers, they do so in decreasing impact, as disciples grow through levels 1-8 (refer to the track chart):
Gain in Knowledge
Gain in Understanding
Gain in Comprehension
As our spiritual/cognitive skills move past the passive receiving of information into the need to analyze and evaluate, the standard list of offerings become less valuable, less nourishing, less meaningful. And so they feel like they’re not being fed. It fact, though they may not know how to express it, they are actually not being challenged, they are not being equipped, they are not being engaged, and they are no longer being changed like in their early years of development. Their experience does not match the promise.
Let me give you an example. Pause before you answer.
What is fundamentally more important: to be able to accurately quote a memorized verse (including the reference and translation) or to comprehend what the verse means?
Memorization can, and often does, occur without comprehension.
Comprehension can, and often does, occur without memorization.
Which is fundamentally more important for the disciple who is highly capable of analysis, evaluation, and creating ministry?
LEVEL 14 CREATORS
Let me give you an example of spiritually mature followers (Level 14) creating a ministry. It might very well have appeared on an episode of The Profit: Century 1 AD.
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. 2 So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. 3 Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4 and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.”
5 This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. 6 They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them.
7 So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith. Acts 6:1-7 (NIV)
To follow loosely with the analogy of The Profit, there was (is)
this life-changing product that was being
distributed by really qualified and committed people via
While it is not spelled out, it seems that the process involved the Apostles leading in this effort, but they were trying to do too much. They were doing the ministry of the word* (this was NOT studying for their weekly sermon), praying, AND apparently trying to feed all of the widows – and doing a pretty poor job of it.
So they created what we call deacons. Jesus didn’t teach them about deacons, that they would need deacons, or what to have these deacons do. But they discovered a need. They understood the values and principles they were to follow (Jesus did teach them those things). So they created a ministry that
included leadership requirements and tasks
aligned those with the values and principles
vested the necessary resources and authority to accomplish the task
And released seven into ministry who matured more in Christ in the days following than they ever would have if all they did was attend Bible Study and worship services.
*I would be remiss if I did not chase this one little rabbit about the “ministry of the word”. The “ministry of the word” is the ministry they were called to, best encapsulated in the Great Commission (Matt 28:19-20). [See: “Why We’re Not Making Discples”] This was not preachers spending time studying the Bible and commentaries to prepare for next week’s message. This was taking the Gospel to the lost; hands-on, in the wild, sharing The Word. And in this passage, we see the result of them not devaluing their call to respond to the tyranny of the urgent (hungry widows): vs 7 says –
The Word of God spread
The number of disciples increased (lost who became saved)
Among those who were saved were some of the religious who repented
This is the Thing! This is the replicating, Gospel-engaged THING that all of our processes and people should point to.
If the word of God is not spreading in our church field, and the number of disciples (lost being saved) are not increasing, and the religious not repenting, then we have likely made the process the thing, rather than keeping the thing the thing.
What’s going on in the US today demands no lesser activity and engagement from those who would consider themselves to be in the “mature” range.
The M2|P2 Track Diagram
Some years ago, I ran across a diagram that describes the stages of discipleship in a circular fashion (included at the end of this post). It resonated with me for many reasons, some of which will become apparent through the articles in this series. I have come to find out that the original diagram was developed by Dr. Robert Coleman and was published in Discipleshift: Five Steps that Help Your Church to Make Disciples who Make Disciples(Chapter 3, p. 59) by Jim Putnam and Dr. Coleman.
Future posts will speak to sequence of stages, from the above “track diagram”, but one cannot move through these tracks without having some idea of what the end is, so the effort today is to get that end in mind.
The M2|P2 Track Diagram can be used in a variety of ways. Its inception came by the need to illustrate why we’re really not making disciples. The Coleman Diagram is useful as well, in a variety of ways. It describes in very general terms either what the one being discipled needs to do and/or what those doing the discipling need to do. What it doesn’t do is speak to how and why that “doing/training/developing” should occur. And if we don’t get the “why” and the “how” right, we will reproduce those who know what to do, but not why or how.
And then, as it goes with all things done by man, entropy will set in. The best defense against entropy is keeping the thing the thing; functioning to fulfill the “why”, and being willing to change the “how” and the “what” so that the thing is always the thing.
The M2|P2 Track Diagram above is blending of concepts. It includes:
The 4 quadrants (and 14 stages) from Dr. Coleman’s model. (Some of the layout and labels have been changed to help align the blending of concepts.)
Two tracks speak to the Stages of Blooms’ Taxonomy – a standard in Education that helps us identify the best learning capacity and process for people (those being discipled, in this case) at their best cognitive level.
One track speaks to leadership development. Simply stated, how much decision-making authority is needed for any particular stage of discipleship.
That was the 1000 words. Now the pictures to help.
This slice below from the diagram is Stage 14: The Ultimate End that is in mind.
What would be different at your church with just a few master trainers? But, before you answer that, please know this is not a reference to only Bible Study Leaders. This is a reference to mature disciples that “master train” others in the ministry that God has given him or her. One might be a Bible Study leader. One could be a Deacon or Elder. One could be an audio/visual technician or a member of the praise team. (Note: at the end of this post is a partial list of needs/ministries that any church might consider as a path to developing mature disciples).
According to this model, a master trainer does far more than teach someone what to do.
They help them experience the “why”. And the way they guide that experience – the “how” – is designed to facilitate a sense of ownership of ministry. A calling of sorts.
Key Characteristics from the M2|P2 Track Model: Stage 14
To be a Master Trainer, you must:
Have at least one mentee – someone that you are replicating your ministry into
Be a spiritual grandparent – someone you have led to faith in Christ has led someone else to faith in Christ
Lead/Serve with intentionality – You are passionate about what you do. And you do it in alignment with God’s purpose for your life and the church
Be able to create – you are not dependent on PDFs, ring binders, quarterlies, or instruction manuals. You know how to analyze what is and what needs to be, and create processes and paths to bring them together.
Experience synthesis with God and His word. God’s call and God’s word is seared… immersed… blended… synthesized into the core of your being. It drives your decision making and life’s choices.
You are involved in choices and decisions that impact the understanding of, and the implantation of, the purpose of the church.
Now, with this description, what would your church be like with a Deacon Master Trainer, Parking Lot Master Trainer, and Bible Study Leader Master Trainer?
Yes, this is daunting! But there is good news. Unlike what it seems is every other discipleship model, your goal is not to turn everyone into a Stage 14 Master Trainer. In fact, you don’t have to have even one. But, in time, you’ll have one or more.
The goal is to develop disciples that land anywhere in stages 9 through 14. Let’s take a look at Stage 8 to get a glimpse of “why”.
Key Characteristics from the M2|P2 Track Model: Stage 8
A Stage 8 disciple is connected to a Purpose for his or her life.
Their spiritual development is like the social development of a young adult.
Many spiritual decisions may be characterized by self-centeredness and feelings
They can apply God’s word to their lives
They learn best by practicing application
They can be involved in decisions that impact any group in which they are involved.
What this means, is that Stage 8 Disciples, are basically living the Christian life for themselves. We should not look down on this stage. We all lived through, or are now living in, this stage. However, it is critical to understand that much of the material that is being used for “discipleship training” today is designed to speak to the “self-help” generation. It tells them how they can be personally closer to God, loved more by God, be more worshipful to God. And so their purpose is themselves – fixing up “this Christian” to be more pleasing to God.
Stage 8 Disciples are not motivated from their core
to serve others
to be mentored
to share the Gospel
to practice sacrificial, generous giving
to become a mentor
to lead ministry
I don’t have to ask what your church would be like with a room full of Christians like this. Putnam and Coleman refer to them as “converts but not disciples”.
We should never be satisfied with an end that only challenges people to apply God’s word to their lives.
But again, this is a stage that every Master Trainer will go through. The difference is, what end do you have in mind for your discipleship ministry? Are you going to CHOOSE to CREATE those methods and materials that align with your people and plan, in order to make that happen?
Hint: Choose to align your materials and methods with your people and plan!
You may not have plan yet. So, what. CHOOSE that as you CREATE it, it will be in alignment with the people in your circle of influence. CHOOSE to use methods that challenge and motivate those you disciple. (“Challenging” and “Motivating” are not at all the same things as “Inspiring”.)
Your alternative is to keep downloading materials, buying quarterlies, watching DVDs, attending conferences and buying the latest book on how someone else did something that you think might work for you. All of these should be considered in the beginning stages of discipleship development, but in decreasing use. To have 914 Disciples, you must model analysis, evaluation, creating and choice if you are going to replicate yourself.
Yes, it will be harder.
Some ideas won’t work.
Some people will be uncomfortable.
Some will argue and disagree.
Some may leave your church.
But Master Trainers never will – save God calling them elsewhere.
But you’ll be in good company. The above pretty much describes the three years Jesus spent developing His disciples, as well as stepping into the M2|P2 914 strategy.
But what about those PDFs, DVD’s, or ring binders you buy with methods and programs that have worked for others? Unfortunately, “worked” is in the eye of the beholder. Are we saying that their purpose was fulfilled or are we saying that they got some folks to participate? As for the authors of the material, I’m sure it worked for them because they CREATED that which they’ve written about. And the state of the church in America is bearing testimony to the effectiveness of churches trying to break out of cocoons that someone else built (and already broke out of). We should all know and value that strength and wisdom comes from the breaking out so much more than from copying.
If you can’t see past Stage 8/Application, then this is the best you’ll get, with many at Stages 3-7, and very few at Stage 1-2:
And you will rarely experience the life-changing, world-shaking ministry of developing 914 disciples. The more you develop disciples toward this target range, the more you will also drive your engagement with Levels 1-3. Keep in mind that Levels 1-3 is where the world-shaking life-change of scripture happens. It is the most critical. And it will only flourish in your church if you have disciples in the 914 range.
How to Get Started
Do NOT look for a book or resource on how to do this. I’m not saying that you can’t learn from books. But you’ve used books. If you can’t Analyze, Evaluate, and Create by now, then it’s time to exercise THOSE muscles.
Engage your people (spiritual gifts, talents, experience, leadership) in developing the ministry. Breaking out of your own cocoon is where you gain strength and wisdom. You miss both if you try to implement what someone else has already done. This is why authors of the best strategy books tell you to NOT just do what they’ve done. You gain no strength or wisdom by copying their work.
Seek out mentors to give advice. But develop these ministries conversationally with your members. They may very well feel “better fed” than they have in a long time.
These are all ministry areas that could be led by mature Christians, should the church leadership decide that
there is great value in creating these ministries in alignment with their mission and
there is great value in releasing believers into ministry
there is great harm to true discipleship by doing things the easy way (yourself) rather that developing others
A Short List – How could you align your Methods and Materials with your People and Plan to create world-shaking, life-changing ministries in these areas?
Basic Training for All – Led by a Volunteer! (Yes, they will need to be trained by someone who can create ministry by replicating themselves.)
The Implications of Our Purpose and Values (How Your Ministry/Service Aligns with the Purpose of our Church)
The importance of meeting monthly for social/equipping
The importance of serving monthly for purpose/hands on training
How to Pray for those you serve
How to share the Gospel with those you serve
How to recruit team members
How to train team members
Crises in your Ministry/Team
Ideas of Ministries That Could be Created
The people that join ministry “groups” like these will find their fellowship, friendship, and spiritual maturity in the ministry group in which they are engaged. There will be no need to also join a “home group” or Bible study group.
Coaching – Community Sports and Church Sports Teams
Running a Sports League
Ministry Entrepreneurship: Creating in Alignment
Support Group Ministries
Running Ticketed Events: Concerts & Community Events
A/V Team Training
Technology Support and Repair
Hospitality: Home Groups
Home Repair Teams, including
Alignment Happens by Plan or by Accident. Any disparate individuals or groups that are in relationship with one another will align with the attribute that has the greatest influence on the engaged parties, whether planned or not – whether order or chaos. For example, if your Bible Studies are driven by material, you can expect your participants to align with that teaching, regardless of whether that teaching helps move your church towards its purpose or not. And if it is “not”, then your church is aligning toward chaos. For example, if the purpose of your church involves sacrificial living, and the Bible studies you offer center on spiritual self-improvement, then you may well be aligning toward chaos.
You cannot lead anyone further than you’ve already been. And if you want to lead someone well, you need to travel that road a while. Travel that road often.
My Bachelor’s Degree is in Math Education. With that degree, I was able to teach all levels of high school math in an era before calculus was standard fare. I taught Algebra, Geometry, and Computer Science (this, before the first PC was sold in the US.)
To get that degree, I had to take Number Theory (where we spent time in base 2 and base 7 instead of base 10). I had to take four semesters of calculus. The only reason I didn’t fail that last semester is the prof chose to not fail me. There were two take home exams that semester. We were given a week to accomplish each. I attempted to answer all 7 of the questions on the mid-term and passed that one. I don’t remember the specific details of the final, but it was only 2 questions. The first question left me staring into space, wondering what in the world I was supposed to have studied for the 4 prior months. I never got to the second question. The first question went something like this:
In a cage you have a male and female bunny. Under normal conditions, bunnies reproduce 5 time per year with 4 kits per litter. In the water supply for the rabbits, you introduce a small ratio of alcohol, that ratio increasing by a certain amount over time. Alcohol serves to impede the reproductive rate of bunnies at a certain rate by volume over time. Assume that the litters, over time, average out to have the same number of males and females. Bunnies are able to reproduce beginning at 8 months old. Based on these conditions…
How many bunnies would you have after 24 months?
Not only did I have no words, I had no math. Not for bunnies anyway.
But what the number theory and calculus courses did do for me was take me a long way down that math road. Past potholes, pitfalls, and precipice. I could teach Geometry and Algebra in my sleep because of the depth of training I received.
You certainly can choose to journey together down a new road, but you can’t lead anyone. You’ve not yet seen the potholes or precipice. You’ve not experienced the detours and difficulties. And you’ve never found the amazingly powerful truths the exist beyond the pitfalls that cause most to turn back. Leading someone requires experience. Often, enough experience to fail and succeed.
If you agree with this, then let’s consider one implication.
Evangelism is Dead I grow weary of hearing the erroneous conclusion of oft-cited “survey” that tells us the difficulty in reaching people for Christ. “If we don’t reach them by a certain age”, the report goes, “then the chances of reaching them grow dim.”
The tipping point age used to be 18, then 16. Now, according to some, it is 12. If we don’t reach them by the age of 12, then our chances of reaching them diminished significantly.
And in every church that I’ve heard this quoted, it is used to promote the idea that we need to invest more in our children’s ministry and preteen ministry. After all if we don’t reach them in those ministries, they won’t be reached. And in many churches, this translates to reaching them before the age of accaountability. Reaching them before they comprehend their need. Reaching them before they can possibly understand the verses we’ve had them memorize or the prayer we led them to pray.
So you don’t miss a serious implication, let’s agree that “reached” does not mean attendance or presence or participation. “Reached” in this context refers to one giving their life Christ. So then, the serious implication is that in so many cases, the children may have gone through the motions, but they are not “reached”. We have effectively applied spiritual millstones around their necks.
The warning raised by the stat caused us to Lead In to the Walls – to turn inward to those who were already among us or will find us under their own steam – inside our walls. The real solution would be to Lead Out in to the Wild – creating effective ministries that turn outward – where the real need is.
How did we get here? We got here because you can’t take anyone further than we’ve already gone. Our churches are filled today with people that made their salvation decision for Christ inside the walls of the church. The number of believers that are passionate about evangelism that actually practice evangelism in the wild seems to have diminished faster than the reachable age.
So, to paraphrase how this oft-cited quote is misunderstood, “If we don’t reach the children for Christ that are already in our walls or will come inside our walls by their own effort before they turn 12, we may not ever reach them”.
A corollary to this is something like:
“What we’re doing doesn’t work for those in the wild, even though it is supposed to. We’re going to keep doing what we’re doing and just blame the difficulty on the lost people – they’re just harder to reach.”
That oft-cited quote should have raised alarm bells to develop evangelism efforts in the wild. We should have created opportunities that took advantage of the system that would have us removed from schools and the public square. We didn’t do that because you can’t take anyone further than you’ve been. And our churches are lacking critical mass in people who met Christ in the wild, to help move the church out to the wild.
I don’t have any stats, but in the last six churches that I’ve been a member of, only two of the pastors practiced and talked about experiential evangelism in the wild – reaching the lost where they live, work and play.
Unfortunately, neither of those two ever trained anyone while we were there – they never took anyone with them to learn this increasingly rare behavior. In both cases, the church members were always glad and excited that people got saved. Just never glad and excited enough to demand that their pastor train them in a hands on, experiential way. But to be clear, I know for a fact that these pastors were challenged to take members out and train them. They just didn’t.
Of greater misfortune, three of the remaining pastors did not practice evangelism in the wild. They were glad when people got saved in their church, but they had no stories to tell, no effort to share of them reaching people where they live, work, and play.
And of greatest misfortune, one of those pastors admitted to me that they had never led anyone to Christ in a one-on-one conversation. Certainly people had responded to a Gospel presentation before, but no experience with personal evangelism.
Sadly, in all six churches, from the tepid challenge to “tell your story” to a strong admonition to share the gospel, not one of these churches leveraged their God-given resources to build a church-based evangelism effort. They limited there challenge to the individual. “You. You go. You go to your friends and family.” And even one of them actually said, “And we (the staff) will be here if you need anything.” (See “The Problem With My Neighbors” to understand why this has never worked broadly in the US.)
Let that sink in.
The reason that students and young adults are harder to reach has little to do with their social, emotional, or educational development. It has everything to do with these facts:
We think disciple making is the activity of improving the spiritual state of saved people.
We think the process of disciple making is best done by telling believers what to think instead of training them how to think.
If we think disciple making is fundamentally about working with saved people, then we make evangelism optional. The Great Commission (Matt 28:19-20), then, does not include it. Therefore:
it is not required by Jesus (not to mention)
uncomfortable for us (and finally, after all)
it is the pastor’s job
We therefore don’t need to be concerned about it other than to be happy when it accidentally happens.
You can’t lead anyone where you’ve never been. So we have effectively killed evangelism. That is why it is harder to reach people over the age of 12. Not because they are hard to reach, but because we’ve stopped doing the hard work of reaching others in the wild.
If you’ve never been trained, go to your pastor and demand it. Demand that he connect you with an evangelistic mentor for the express purpose of learning how to share the gospel in a hands-on, experiential way.
Now I know for a fact that you’ve been challenged, too.
We didn’t “learn” either one of these things by reading a book. We learned them experientially. We’ve heard the announcements from the pulpit, read them on our church websites, attended discipleship groups – be they D-groups, small groups, community groups, Sunday School, or any other name that promotes the idea that “disciple making” happens better in small groups or in circles.
How ironic it is that we have learned experientially to “teach” passively.
We have “learned” that disciple making is the process of improving the spiritual state of saved people.
We have “learned” that telling people what to think, rather than how to think, is the disciple making process
Reason #1: Improving Our Spiritual State
This is the flaw. The re-definition so that what we do appears to match what scripture says. Disciple making doesn’t happen better in small groups. Disciple making doesn’t happen at all when everyone in the room is saved. Disciple making can only happen when at least one lost person is in the conversation. And disciple making can only occur when that conversation is about accepting Christ as Lord/Savior. And disciple making ONLY occurs when one without Christ accepts the salvation of Christ – in that case, a disciple is made.
Maybe you want to make a bank teller. You wouldn’t go get a bank teller, stand them at a different window (small group) and announce to the world, “Look at the bank teller I made”.
Maybe it’s a doctor you’d like to make. You wouldn’t go get a doctor from Mercy General and take them to All Saints Urgent Care and say, “Look at the doctor I made.”
Making disciples, like doctors and bank tellers, starts from scratch. You start with someone that can become a doctor or teller; someone that is not a doctor or teller, and then you make that person into a doctor or teller. You make disciples by taking people that are not disciples and introducing them to Christ. If they accept Christ, then you are free to announce to the world, “Look at the Disciple Christ made.”
The only reason that we need more people in medical school is that we need more doctors! We certainly don’t need to keep people in medical school because the school needs to keep their enrollment up.
If you’re reading this, then you’re likely very familiar with this passage – Jesus’ “famous last words”. aka, “The Great Commission”:
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
But odds are you’ve never been in a church that actually does this in a deliberate, replicable way.
With doctors, and bank tellers, there is an end in mind. Training is designed to produce the intended result. Unfortunately, for the church, the end that is too often in mind is passive behaviors that can be held accountable – “being discipled” rather than being and doing. What is the end in mind for the “disciple making” ministry in your church?
More people in a small group study?
More people having a quiet time?
More people memorizing scripture?
More people journaling?
Did Jesus take saved men and instruct them in bible study, quiet time, scripture memory and journaling? Or did He engage them in active, hands-on, experiential learning that aligned with the challenging conversations He had with them.
None of these disciplines, in and of themselves, are bad. What is wholly insufficient is that today, these are the marks of a disciple rather than the making of disciples; rather than being actively engaged in world-changing, life-changing ministry.
Some will certainly say, “But those disciplines create disciples that do what you’re saying.”
To that, I have to ask you if you have noticed the state of the church in the United States – the church that has emphasized these passive disciplines as self-contained behaviors for decades? Organizations that emphasize these disciplines are not producing disciple makers unless they are combined with purposeful hands-on, experiential learning. And here’s the kicker – whatever personal spiritual disciplines you might ascribe to Jesus’ training with the Twelve, those disciplines followed rather than preceded their engagement in hands-on, experiential learning.
Unfortunately, It’s just easier to take a headcount of how many are doing the disciplines.
I once heard a sermon out of Acts 4. One of the points that the speaker made was that because (in vs 13) Peter and John were “…unschooled, ordinary men…” we didn’t need to be trained either. We just need to trust the Holy Spirit for boldness like Peter and John did. I found that very odd, because in the aforementioned passage, Jesus commanded that disciples be taught (trained, schooled…?) to obey everything He taught. And, while it should be obvious to anyone who is more than just a casual reader of scripture that the Priests and Sadducees in this passage were referring to Peter and John’s lack of “priestly training” or “training in the traditions and Law”, it should also be obvious that Peter and John had spent three years in intensive, hands-on, experiential training with the “Master Trainer” before He told them in Matthew 28 what to do with all that training!
Jesus sent them into a world where NO ONE was saved. NO ONE had come to salvation (save the smattering of people that had been committed followers with the now Apostles). There is no possible way to interpret Jesus’ command to “make disciples” as “gathering saved people in small groups to improve their spiritual state”. (That activity is contained in the subsequent command… “teaching (training) them to obey everything I commanded…”)
You see, what Jesus did with Peter and John (and at least 9 others) was – and don’t miss this – He made disciples. He took those who were not saved and brought them to salvation. And in the process, He trained them in everything they needed to know for them to make disciples and in turn train those new disciples. He experientially trained them in the Gospel message, in the meeting of needs and giving of grace SO THAT they could share the Gospel message. The Holy Spirit took trained men and made them bold in sharing the Gospel message. We cannot expect this to happen from passive classroom or small group teaching. Training requires active, experiential learning.
I was once a member of a church where one of the well-respected volunteer leaders liked to teach “Share Jesus Without Fear”. Unfortunately, there was no uptick in sharing, no stories of folks in the church sharing Jesus with or without fear. In a telling personal, private moment with just a few key leaders, we were all asked to share the last time we had led someone to Christ. This individual could not think of one time – he was almost 60 years old at this time – and he could not think of one person that he had led to Christ. He had grown children whom someone else must have led to Christ. You may not be surprised that this church is now closed after a 30 year existence. Not because of this one individual, but because of the pervasive idea that disciple making is a passive classroom activity designed to improve the spiritual state of those who already know Christ.
When we don’t agree with Jesus that the starting point is those without him, we are left with what is effectively a death spiral like the one illustrated above. We are left then, to begin with those that already know Christ. In our effort to be obedient, we continually strive to “teach” them more and more how to be like Jesus, how to be closer to Jesus, how to please Jesus – all without training them – without giving them the intensive, hands-on, experiential training required for boldness and leading others to that saving relationship with Christ. (You might consider that this would please Him most of all.) This is a death spiral because we have to find new and “better” ways to communicate the same truths over and over again. This is untenable due to the decades-long life Christians lead as they seek to be more like Jesus without making disciples. More and better is only temporary. Solomon said it best, “There is nothing new under the sun.”
Most will stop attending regularly over time. Most will drop out over time. Some will relocate to other cities. Some will pass away. Some will change churches due to preferences, splits, life-stage changes, etc. And the reality of today – many will just stop attending altogether. Most churches are dependent on disciples moving into their area to maintain attendance levels. They are also dependent on this “new blood” for leaders – disciples that have been trained elsewhere.
One of the nails in this coffin is the often stated purpose of this effort. For ME to be more like Christ. For ME to be closer to Christ. For ME to know more of His word. For ME to be equipped. This is exacerbated by the implication that we’re never close enough, know enough, or equipped enough, because we must always be in a group… learning. (Please re-read the Great Commission and identify the part of the passage where it’s all about you.)
A second nail in this coffin is the lack of new disciples. This is the root of why thousands of churches are closing each year. We are too busy being trained to be better – or not being trained at all – to spend any time or concern making disciples.
Don’t hear me say that there is an endpoint to what we can learn from Christ and His word. But please do hear me say that Jesus thought that three years of His “classroom”, “apprenticeship”, and “guided learning” were enough. Do hear me say that I believe it was never His intention that we spend our life’s spiritual energy on learning everything that can be learned. Paul battled with “learning based” folks like this (Gnostics) throughout his ministry. But what Jesus did do after three years was set them loose on the world to do and be. But He didn’t just tell them to go and find something to do. He gave them specific instructions. He knew before He trained them what their assignment would be and He trained them for that end.
Jesus knows that we learn so much more by doing and being than we do in a classroom or small group. He knows this because he made us – and he made us to be experiential learners. And it turns out that it is not nearly so necessary to manufacture motivation for people to “learn more” or “follow closer” or “be more like Christ” when they are actively involved in the life changing work he calls us to. The work itself reveals how much we need him, how wonderful he is, and this drives our seeking after him all the more. This is one of the reasons why it is true, that if you want to get something done, ask a busy person to do it. They are already motivated.
Let’s all agree that we’re not nearly the trainer that Jesus is/was. Since that’s true, let’s all agree that three years may be a bit ambitious. However, we do have His word and the Holy Spirit, so can we agree on six years? Nine years? At what point should a disciple be more about doing and being than about classroom learning? If that point never arrives, then perhaps we should just admit that what we’re really about is gnostic-ship training instead of disciple-ship training. How much easier it would be if only Jesus had said, “Go into all the world and teach them everything you can think of.”
And this then, is why most people have never experienced this deliberate, replicable ministry. Churches do groups and classes well. While key leaders have better hearts and intention than this, unfortunately the win for the church is maintaining head count. The win for some is increasing headcount. But whether it is the number of people in the morning service or the number of people in groups, the gathered quantity is still the win.
How many have been released into ministry?
How many life-changing efforts are led by non-staff disciples?
How many disciples have been trained with the end in mind that they will be part of a church plant or mission team?
How many disciples have been trained to replicate themselves?
How many disciples HAVE replicated themselves?
How many have been trained (the Jesus way – active, real world, hands on) to lead others to Christ… to actually “make disciples”?
These “wins” are very different than the headcount wins of most programs. While I love hearing about people getting saved in worship services, I would much rather hear about a continual flow of people receiving Christ in the wild because disciples were trained to do what Jesus commanded.
Create a four year plan for ministry growth and development. In that plan, list the leadership and service positions that will be necessary for the success of that plan. Then set 10-25% of those positions specifically for the placement of “newly made disciples” that were then subsequently trained with this end in mind, so that they can complete the assignment for which they have been trained. And then you better get after it! You can’t wait for year four to roll around to decide it’s about time to lead someone to Christ and see if they’re up for being trained in this way. You need to start now and never stop.
Or try this. What spiritual gifts are present in your church? What ministries would benefit from leaders with those gifts? Create a training pipeline to develop leaders with those ends in mind, so that they can lead in ministries that either exist or are on your drawing board. But whatever you do, make sure you train them to be disciple makers, too.
Reason #2: Telling Them What to Think
You may think that people are thinking for themselves in your group discussions. But in fact, most aren’t. If you are using any form of curriculum the way it is intended to be used (there may be rare exceptions to this), then you are preparing to tell your group what to think. Each lesson has several points, generally contained within the context of the passage (see Acts 4:13 for the problem with this). As the leader, you spend your time studying the material so you tell/lead your group to learn the points contained in the lesson. At the end, the win is for the participants in your group to agree with what they have been told to think.
Because finding volunteers for this type of effort has become increasingly difficult, DVD lessons by inspiring speakers are available for anyone to use. In these cases, the leader only has to ask questions that he/she has been told to ask, so they can discuss what they’ve been told to think, albeit having been told in an inspiring way.
The problem here is that inspiration doesn’t last. Inspiration and conviction are not the same thing at all. Inspiration evokes enjoyment. You may hear things like, “That was great!” or “I really like the way she phrased that.” Or “I’ve never thought of it like that before.” And “That was so inspiring!”
Those are really positive and affirming messages. None of which speak to any conviction or life change.
Conviction evokes life change. Inspiration generally lasts until the next problem arises, even if it is a traffic jam or argument on the way home from the group.
Inspiration, however, does raise the bar for the next small group experience. You’ll need to continue to find inspiring material to keep participants engaged. Once you’ve enjoyed an inspiring teacher who does all the work for you, it will be hard to go back to something not as easy or inspiring.
You will also likely run in to the common complaint of, “I’m just not being “fed”, because once someone already thinks what you’ve told them to think, telling them the same things under cover of a different lesson or different teacher really is less filling.
No Room for Error
Years ago, after relocating to the east coast, we were visiting a variety of adult classes in a church that we later joined, in order to find one that would work for us. But in one of the 7 classes we tried, this one is most memorable. I arrived before the leader, to a room with the chairs in an open horseshoe. At the open end was a small desk and chair. The leader came in with his three-ring binder, took the seat at the desk, and after announcements and prayer, began to read his notes to the group. It was hard to find a way to participate, because any comment would have been an interruption. One hour of being told what to think.
If you don’t allow for thought, for discussion, for conclusions good and bad, then you can be sure of three things.
No one will disagree with what you tell them to think
No one will learn how to think
No one will actually know why they think what they’ve been told, and their “beliefs” will wither under pressure.
Generalities are Only Helpful… Not Truth
Some years later, I attended an adult Bible study for the first time at a church we were visiting. The leader had his notes in front of him – a sheet of paper with single spaced bullet points (FRONT and BACK) – with the apparent intention of getting through them all in the hour. Being new, I tried to take a passive position. If you know me, you know this to be a futile effort most of the time. The topic of the day appeared to be “yeast”. Lots of passages about yeast. Lots of bullet points about yeast.
And then he said it. Yep, he pulled on that thread that made passivity futile for me. He said, “Every passage of scripture that refers to yeast is a reference to sin.” He had done two things in his effort to tell this group of people what to think:
he had drawn an incorrect conclusion
he had announced it as something that we should learn, know, and agree with
I spoke up, interrupting his delivery. “What about the passage where Jesus compares the Kingdom of Heaven to yeast?” (Matt 13:31-33)
And then he doubled-down. Because he had taken a stand, he wasn’t going to back down, so he said something to the effect of, “Well, that’s also a reference to sin if you look at it the right way.”
To which I said, resulting in many head nods in the room, “We’ll just have to agree to disagree.”
He then continued with the bullet points, telling us what to think.
How much better if he had just asked us to discuss the differences and similarities between Matthew 13 and any one of the other passages from which he drew his conclusion. One of the things that surely would have arisen out of this effort to train people how to think would be this: Generalities can be helpful, but we shouldn’t take them as absolutely true.
I had the opportunity a few years ago to lead a training session for a group of adult Bible study leaders – there was more than 100 years of experience in the group of 12 or so leaders.
To begin, I asked this question: “Tell us a story about someone in your group whose life has changed as a result of your Bible Study?”
Silence was the response. What seemed like many minutes went by. Finally, one leader said that a member of his class had begun reading the Bible every day.
100 years of Bible study and one person is reading their Bible regularly. Not to diminish the change for that person, but…. wow.
This was an established church that used curriculum for all of their classes. For years – members of this church had gathered together to be told what to think by someone who had spent hours studying a lesson so they could tell them what to think.
The Jesus Experience
This is not what Jesus did. Jesus made the disciples think. He made them decide. He made them discuss what they thought. And (hold on now) he let them live with the consequences of thinking badly and making mistakes. He let them learn experientially.
Oh, yes, he did do a lot of telling, too. Just look at the Sermon on the Mount. Lots of telling there. Jesus was both preacher and trainer. He preached to the crowds. He trained the few.
His training of the few was different than his preaching to crowds. He asked questions. Not because questions are good, but because the kind of questions He asked caused his followers to learn how to think. And he allowed for wrong answers and bad conclusions. He allowed them to learn from each other. He used comparisons and contrasts to generate deeper level thinking. He used analogies and parables and required that they think through the meanings and implications of the ideas and concepts he was leading them to comprehend and synthesize into their lives.
(Note: compare for yourself the difference in impact of a concept that is learned vs that concept comprehended vs that concept synthesized. Yes, you’ll have to think. Google and dictionary.com might be helpful.)
Jesus first made disciples – “Come follow me!” – and they did. Then He trained them in everything they needed. His training sessions were generally one to a few questions, followed by a wide variety of hands-on learning experiences. Followed by debriefing sessions. Followed by more training. Over three years, he trained them through the experiential learner’s model: (1) I do it and you watch. (2) I do it and you help. (3) You do it and I help. (4) You do it. He then sent them out to (5) do it with another watching.
His small group sessions would really have only been theoretical without the real world training. They may have “learned” what He said, but they would not have “LEARNED” what He said. You can’t train people how to share Jesus without fear (and expect bold, Holy Spirit results) if you don’t take each and every one out and show them and then enable them with you to share Jesus, first with fear, and in the repeated experience, without fear. (See “The T-Ball Approach” in the post, The Problem With My Neighbors.)
You can’t train someone (and expect bold, Holy Spirit life change) how to lead a Bible study by handing them a piece of curriculum and telling them to follow the directions.
You can’t have effective deacons and elders by waiting until they’re approved by the church and then give them a book to read on their responsibilities.
The Great Commission is not a linear list of commands; it is a circular, replicable “so that” life cycle. Mature beings are capable of reproducing. And He intends for us to do that.
Go (so that you can) …
Make Disciples (so that you can) …
Teach (train) them everything Jesus commanded (so that they will)…
Go (so that they can) …
Make Disciples (so that they can) …
Teach (train) them everything Jesus commanded (so that they will)…
Go (so that they can) …
Make Disciples (so that they can) …
Teach (train) them everything Jesus commanded (so that they will)…
We really can and should be making disciples. Reach out if you’d like to explore next steps for your ministry or group. You can leave a comment below, or email me at email@example.com.
2 Timothy 3:16 tells us God’s Word “is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”
Teaching – Giving instruction
Rebuking – Identifying where a mistake has been made
Correcting – How to return to the correct line of action or behavior
Training in Righteousness – How to never need rebuking again!
These four useful “turns” of instruction of God’s word can be very helpful in developing engaging and life-changing lessons. The beauty of the facilitating the self-discovery of truth is that it greatly enhances the effectiveness in our culture for communicating the most difficult of the four, “rebuke” and “correction”. People generally will change their mind about something if they discover the truth for themselves. We are all prone to resist rebuke and correction when it comes at us head on.
We live in a culture where the masses at church love the teaching and training, but resist the rebuke and correction. Yet, we know from our own childhood and from raising our own children, that rebuke and correction are vital to to the entire training process.
Here are some other “turns” on lesson development that may prove useful to you, especially on the more familiar or more difficult passages as they come through your curriculum.
Supportive (and Illustrative) Passages
Other Bible passages that reveal more information regarding the concept of the lesson, or illustrate the point of the main passage can be a significant part of an engaging lesson. Have participants compare and contrast the information in each passage. This is not the same is proof-texting, where you find a trove of passages that use a word or concept out of context from the main passage, in an effort to “prove” some point through and abundance of textual evidence.
Dissonant Passages – As a facilitator, a tremendously effective approach to life changing Bible study is to cause “cognitive dissonance” in the minds those in your study group. Cognitive dissonance is the process where what a person believes to be true is confronted or conflicted by something else that seems to be true, but is in conflict with the original belief. Cognitive Dissonance is especially helpful in correcting misguided beliefs, passages taken out of context, extra-Biblical material, and experiences and opinions that are contrary to Biblical truth. It can also be very effective in reinforcing and establishing Biblical belief systems.
The right Icebreaker can lead participants to express what they believe to be true on the concept at hand. Then, as the passage(s) are studied, the Biblical truth will cause the mental dissonance that will lead to change.
Example: Icebreaker: What is the Biblical process for dealing with conflict between believers? (If there are believers of any level of maturity in your group, someone will refer to Matt 28.)
Question somewhere in the lesson: “Explain why you think that Paul did, or did not, sin in Galatians 2:11-14?
CAUTION: As always, you must stay in context when interpreting the Bible. However, a temporary (deliberate) misinterpretation may affect the desired results. ALWAYS identify the misinterpretation, and it’s place in the process you’ve just completed. Most Christians have heard a pastor employ an effect like this at one time or another. For example, a pastor encouraging his congregation to read along with his sermon passage may say, “According to Romans 3_23, some have sinned. Correct?” While the truth is, ALL have sinned, the pastor as used this technique to cause a little dissonance, to reinforce the truth in the minds of his congregation.
Maintaining context is a huge need in our culture. The concept of a lesson may focus on an experience with context more than on any one Biblical truth. Helping Christians learn how to “rightly divide” God’s word is always a valuable lesson. Many believers today think that they should interpret the Bible through their on lives and experiences, when in fact, it should be just the opposite: we should interpret our lives and experience through God’s word.
If you’ve never done this, then give it a try. Find a stretch of road without any oncoming traffic and while moving the speed limit, look AT the windshield. Now, no cheating. This will only take a second. Don’t look through the windshield, look at it. It might help to find a spot to look at.
It would be normal to have a sense of panic to some degree. There is an immediate sense that you’ve lost control of this moving vehicle, that you have no idea what’s coming at you from any direction because you’re looking AT the very thing that is intended to be looked through. It doesn’t matter if the horizon is bursting with the view of a snow-capped mountain sunset or a double rainbow in the eastern sky. You don’t see any of that if you’re looking at the windshield instead of through it.
But the windshield is helpful. It allows us to take in all the beauty before us, without the worry of bugs in our teeth or flying objects in our face. It also allows us to give some attention to the others who are in the car with us. The windshield It is a tool best used when considered invisible.
If you’ve never done this, then give it a try. Become so familiar with the elements of the small group session, that you don’t look at the material the entire time. You look through the material at the eyes of the people in your group. You listen through the material to their responses to the questions and their dialogue with one another. You react and respond to the life around you rather than to the next question or activity in the session. Here is the snow-capped mountains and the burst of sunlight that we all crave in our small groups. This is how relationships can grow and be strengthened as you together meet with God through His word. This doesn’t exist on the windshield; it is on the other side.
Now let me quickly say that the material may indeed be vital (but may be less so as the leader matures spiritually). It can keep the bugs out of your meeting and stop frustrated members from flying in your face. The material gives you a plan, a way to see and get to the beauty of the group. But let’s stop looking AT the material, and look to the relationships beyond.
Many small group leaders are afraid of losing control of their “vehicle.” While God’s Word and strong relationships are the stuff of life change – the beauty of his creation – we often point at spots on the windshield rather than taking in all that is available in the group.
It can happen like this: “Somebody read the first question….” “Let’s use our time watching a DVD.” “We need to get back to the lesson…” “Everybody turn to page 14 …”
These statements (and subsequent page flipping in the material or passive viewing of a screen) tell the group participants that the material wants to know that they think; the lesson is interested in their response, or the commentary of the latest celebrity speaker is more valuable than the relationships in the room.
You might be missing the relationships because you’re looking AT the very thing that is intended to be looked through.
Can you sense the difference in these questions? “Let me ask you a question…” “Hows does that thought relate to our passage…” “Let’s try this…”
Questions like these are generated by familiarity with the scope and sequence of the lesson elements. But the difference is that the material is “invisible” to the discussion. Eye to eye and ear to ear, participants can grow together with each other and with God.
Try this in preparation for your next small group session (see page 36):
Write down your questions and activities in the order they should occur.
Re-write this list in short-hand and abbreviations. After all, you are the only one that needs to know what the abbreviations mean.
Re-write the list on a sticky note using only one or two words (OK, use 3 or 4 if you need to) for each question or step. By the time of this third draft, you should be able to just glance at a phrase and know what to ask or do.
Place this sticky note in your Bible next to the passage you will study. When the study begins, just glance at your sticky note and you will be reminded of the ice-breaker/opening question you have planned.
But look at their eyes, listen to their words. Let them know that you want to know what they think and feel. While the group is responding to your question, just glance again at your list, and you’ll know what comes next. And you won’t have to juggle two books in your lap!
Bonus: In being comfortable in what comes next, you will often be able to sense the exact time to move naturally on to the next step. You’ll be able to say something like, “That’s a great question! Let’s try something to see what we can learn about that.” Natural transitions and good eye contact communicate volumes to your group as to what kind of listener you are. What kind of friend you are.
Lead them to the beauty of the relationships in the group.
Use your small group material.
Use it well.
But use it as a windshield.
Visit www.idiscover.xyz and register for access to Microsoft Word ® and PDF versions of digital sticky note templates.
Balance. This is something that we seem to be moving farther away from. While we tout an understanding of the two Great Commandments – to “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39), we seem to have functionally degenerated into a debate on which one is greater. This was never God’s point. Had man not been created, there would be no hearts, souls, or minds, to love Him. And the simple fact of the matter is that you can’t Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul without loving your neighbor. And you can’t love your neighbor as you love yourself without concern, thought, and effort for your neighbor to know the God you love. You may not realize it, but God wants your neighbor to love Him with all their heart, mind and soul, also. These commandments are symbiotic. They are in balance. They are God’s design.
Please don’t assume that by balance I mean equality. The greatest commandment is the greatest. But the second – now don’t bet upset that I name drop here – according to Jesus, is like it: similar, close, in balance. And this simple reality flies in the face of our current and prolific move away from balance. You see, you have to take one position, not two. You can’t hold one position and agree with part of another. You have to choose which one is right. They can’t both (or all) be. And while your emotional identity may be tied to the singular position of your choosing, the eternal lives of the lost hang in the balance. And when we change the balance, their lives may truly be lost.
Early in my ministry, I remember heavy debates on whether “evangelism” or “discipleship” was the most important ministry of the church, and by implication and intent, for individual Christians as well. The passionate debaters would seek sides and identify your side, whether you had one or not. Those who favored evangelism were painted with the abandonment brush – as in, “All you’re concerned about is their spiritual birth… you abandon them so that you can move on to the next spiritual birth.” I even heard it referred to as the highly offensive “spiritual stillbirth.” Those who claimed discipleship as the greatest value were often painted with the cowardice brush – as in, “You are just afraid to share the Gospel” or the failure brush – as in, “You’ve just taken that position because no one is getting saved in your ministry.” As rounds of debate came to an end, each participant would retreat to their corner, determined to prove the other wrong, rather than seeing that both sides make one whole. And the lives of the lost and the ministries of the saved hang in the balance.
Evangelism comes easier to me than most. Because of the God-invasion in my life, I became a bold and vocal Christian (though sometimes, not in the best of balance). Because He answered a broken-hearted prayer out of my fear of evangelism, that boldness encompassed the sharing of the Gospel. This became and is a passion for me. So passionate, that not only do I want others to know my Christ, I want other Christ-followers to know how to share and how important it is to live lives the align with the message they share. I remember early Tuesday morning breakfast meetings with students, teaching them how to share their faith and debriefing with them on how the previous week had gone. I remember times in our Wednesday night teaching/worship time that students who knew how to share their faith would leave the room with a friend so that they could purposefully and deliberately give that friend an opportunity to accept Christ. I remember taking ministry leaders with me so that they could learn the “how” behind the “what” – the “do” beside the “know” – that they had studied for years; years in rooms filled with Christ-followers but no new followers.
Discipleship and Evangelism. Loving God and loving your neighbor. Balance. The lives of the lost and ministry of the saved all hang in this. They are symbiotic. This is God’s design. And here, I believe, is an illustration for why much discipleship is in name only. You see, in the memories above, I never used a program – someone else’s creation of resources that were, with the best of intentions, designed, packaged, and sold out of someone else’s experience – experience that I did not possess. You can only lead from where you’ve been. Discipleship is not merely book study – although studying books can be part of the process. If you’ve not gotten your hands dirty, you won’t be able to show anyone else how to dirty their hands. Discipleship is not passing on what you’ve read. Discipleship is not passing on what you’ve been taught. It is not passing on what you merely understand.
Discipleship is passing on what you experientially know by helping others to know it experientially.
I’ve been in churches where leaders talked about the need for evangelism. In particular, I won’t soon forget the lay-leader that spoke to the need, believed in accountability for the staff in this area, and even taught classes on how to “share Jesus without fear”. When asked to share about the last time he had led someone to Christ in his 60+ years of life, he could not think of one. That’s like asking someone about the day they got married and not being able to remember anything about it. Like asking about the birth of their child and not being able to remember anything about it. The likely truth is that such a person has not actually been married or had a child. And the lives of those who don’t know Christ hang in the balance – the balance of know and do. The balance of talk and go. The balance of faith and action. The balance of worship and witness. The balance of evangelism and discipleship.
Faith without works. Is. Dead.
Today, the debate terminology has changed, but the message is still the same. It is still Spiritual Us vs Spiritual Them. Even when Jesus’ instructions included to simply “leave them alone” (Luke 9_49:50), we still struggle to realize that telling those without Christ about Christ is a more important pursuit than trying to convince those with Christ that either Calvin or Arminius is correct and the other incorrect. Even though the lives of those without Christ hang in the balance of how we live and communicate today, we spend time trying to convince those with Christ about how and when they will see Him in the future be it pre, post, or a. If their lives really hang in the balance (and they really do), then please stand in front of a mirror (so as to have someone to convince) and elaborate for just a minute or two on this question: How does your understanding of Christ’s return, and your subsequent passion to convince other believers of your position, make any difference in how you love your neighbor as yourself” or in your ability to pass on this experiential knowledge to others? Your neighbor’s lives hang in the balance.
We have, unfortunately, learned to defend our doctrinal positions and Biblical knowledge much like our politicians defend theirs. We’ve learned debate techniques from our favorite Fox or CNN politicos. “My” side is the truth and has value; the other side is not true and has no value. I applaud Christian leaders that resist this pull. Theirs is the effort to maintain balance in a world that increasingly seeks to divide, debate, and destroy. Fortunately for us, God’s word provides the balance we need. Unfortunately, many of the side-seekers most often don’t follow the full wisdom of God in their pursuits. There are favorite passages, powerful passages, and reasoned conclusions based on these passages. However, there are other passages – either ignorantly or deliberately ignored – that can provide greater balance. This proof-texting builds communities and followings, but this debate about words does not build the kingdom.
As time and resources are all the more consumed by the world and culture around us, the church is feeling the squeeze to do more with less, and what often is the “more” is what is expedient or easy, rather than what is required. We have more Bible studies so that we can “know Him more”. We have worship pageantry so that we can “love Him more”. We align our purpose with these priorities – to know God more (a good thing), to love God more (a good thing). We proclaim that we worship in spirit and truth (both good things). But this leaves little to no time for loving our neighbors. Can you feel the pendulum pulled to the God side? Love the Lord your God with all your heart… (a really good thing). But as it is pulled to the God-side, it is pulled away from the neighbor side (not a good thing). Because Jesus said that this side is like the God-side. I will promise you that your available knowledge of and worship toward God will be wholly incomplete without sharing what you know with those who don’t.
Did you know that there are couples that by choice have no children? Absolutely their right. This is their choice. I am confident that these couples love each other. They, in fact, have a chosen path whereby they can give all of their love and affection to one another. They sacrifice for one another. They enjoy life together. In fact, regardless of their professions, they have greater resources to enjoy life and help others than do couples who have children. And ultimately, their heritage and lineage stop with them. This fact does not impugn their decision to be childless. It is, however, the undeniable and ultimate conclusion that the end of their lives is the end of the line.
Churches whose singular focus is on loving and knowing the Lord their God, do in fact love Him. I am confident that He loves them. They have more resources to spend on enjoying life with Him than churches who expend resources on making and developing spiritual children. And it is the undeniable and ultimate conclusion that the end of their church will be at their lives end. How has it become possible, in some circles, that Calvinism, Arminianism, Pre-millennialism, Post-millennialism, and/or Amillennialism (this is NOT an exhaustive list) consume more time and effort than evangelism?
I will never be one to say that Bible Study and Worship are not valuable; that learning of and loving God are not priorities. However, alone they are out of balance. God desires that we also love our neighbors as ourselves. In like fashion, it will never be my position that you are not entitled to your position. (Please don’t be offended, however, if I choose to simply leave you alone.)
Take a look at scripture and see which characters focused on worship and knowing God’s word to the exclusion of loving their neighbors. What characters spent more time talking about what they believed than living what they believed? What characters spent more time debating the minutiae of God’s Word in deference to the magnitude of His commands? Love the Lord your God. Love your neighbor as yourself. Go. Make Disciples. Teach them (experientially). Your ministry, and their lives, hang in the balance.
If this were a fill-in-the-blank question, your initial response may have been something like, “Where do I begin?”
That’s certainly not true for all of us, neither is it true for all of our neighbors, but we can all imagine it is true for others. In like fashion, even if we don’t have a beginning place of problems with our neighbors, we are not sure if the opposite is not true. Something as simple as the frequency or timing of mowing the grass or where we keep our outdoor trash cans can cause a less than positive opinion. Move on to the color of our house, the noise our kids make, or even the unintended failure to wave a greeting in the past can all color our neighbors’ opinion of us.
We know this to be true. Those who live next to us know us better than we think they do, just like we know them better than they think we do. We see each other’s comings and goings, values, child-rearing skills, hobbies, how we spend our money, and more. And that’s part of the problem. Because we know them, and they know us, they fall into the category of the “difficult” to reach. Nearness breeds knowledge and knowledge is power: power to compare, power to resist, power to reject. A tough crowd for the Gospel.
In addition, helping your neighbors is part of the give and take of getting along. They help you, you help them – quid pro quo. If nothing else, it helps to keep peace in the neighborhood. There is inherently something “in it for you” when you help your neighbor and vice versa. Just last week, I asked our neighbors to bring in our trash can after the pickup on Monday, as we would be out of town. They know they can ask the same of us (and have). It takes time and much effort for your neighbor to see that you are genuinely a helpful person. I’m not suggesting that you don’t take the time and effort, I’m just suggesting that it is part of the problem in getting to the place where you can share Christ with them.
Another part of the problem is that we don’t understand Jesus’ instructions about neighbors. While it is absolutely true that Jesus cares about those who live closest to us, He cares equally about those who don’t. There are two Biblical passages that we need to understand together.
The first is found in Luke 10:25-37. We know it as the story of the Good Samaritan, but for the purpose of this post, let’s call it the answer to “Who is my Neighbor?” And to be very, very clear, Jesus was not trying to teach us anything about those who live closest to us. Let’s pick it up on vs 29:
But he [a lawyer], wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise, a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’ So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?”
And he [the lawyer] said, “He who showed mercy on him.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”
Jesus could have very easily told a parable about the tough crowd. He could have just as easily talked about the neighbor across the street that was beaten severely when his home was broken into and robbed. He could have talked about the neighbor on the left who ignored the situation, as well as the neighbor on the right. He could have introduced the neighbor across the street that just moved in, who went to take care of the wounded man: …to .. bandage his wounds, pour on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
But he didn’t tell this story. He told a story about a stranger – someone who did not share proximity. I believe there are at least two reasons for this.
The One who tells us to go into the whole world to share the Gospel never wanted us to condense our concern to those whose space borders our own. He knew this crowd was tough. Look at Matthew 13:53-58 When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. “Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?” they asked. “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his brothers James, Joseph, Simon, and Judas? Aren’t all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?” And they took offense at him.
But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town and in his own home.”
His own town. His own home. “Neighbors”.
In almost every circumstance where Jesus showed mercy, it was to a stranger. It is true that before His time came, many he helped had heard of Him, but they were still strangers, or at the most acquaintances who had seen Him before.
The T-Ball Approach
The church could learn much about discipleship in this area from baseball.
Very young players learn the game by hitting a ball on a tee. They call it T-ball. They graduate from that to coach pitch. Balls are lobbed in by a coach so they can learn to hit a moving target from someone who is not trying to strike them out.
Neither of these levels are considered the “tough crowd” of baseball.
Then, you move up to the next level. You get a pitcher that wants to strike you out. But by then, you have had enough practice to be able to stand in there and deal with what comes your way. Hang in there long enough, and you can get to high school, college, the minors, and for the very rare few – a shot in the Bigs.
Each step along the way prepares you to be able to deal with what comes your way. Your previous experience makes the next crowd less tough. So why is our first step today in encouraging people to share their faith to point them at one of the toughest crowds they will face? (Family is also very tough for all the same reasons.) And often, we point them, but we do not show them.
We tacitly imply that since God cares for our neighbors (and family) it is solely our responsibility to see to that they hear about Jesus, as if in their decades of existence no one else has or will; as if they will certainly be hell-bound if we don’t tell them – it will be our fault… this is not true!
Why don’t we show them (show, not just tell) how to share the Gospel in less difficult situations, giving them practice and experience that will be valuable when God does provide an opportunity at the next level.
Here are just some of the other issues with focusing on near neighbors instead of focusing on those to whom you can show mercy (service, help, aid, assistance, care) without quid pro quo… doing for others in need who cannot return the favor… strangers.
It just doesn’t add up. Regardless of how big your church and community are, Christians are the minority. If you were to fill up every seat in every church in your town on a given Sunday, it would not be out of line to consider that 75% or more of your town would not be seated. Near Neighbor Focus means that up to 75% of your town will not have anyone who is working to share Christ with them, because they don’t have a Christian neighbor.
Of the 25% who are sitting in the church seats, my experience is that less than 10% of those know how or have shared the Gospel with a lost person. (That is, in part, because they have never had a pastor, mentor, friend, or leader that has trained them and shown them how.) That means that 90% of your town will not hear the Gospel from a neighbor, because they have no Christian neighbor or their Christian neighbor is not going to tell them, even with the strong push from their church leadership.
In addition, I don’t begin to know how to factor in the percentages of those in a church who are not encouraged to share the Gospel. If we accept it as fact that there are churches that do not encourage evangelism, then it may be safe to assume that this Near Neighbor Focus will effectively influence evangelistic conversations with 1% to 3% of the “neighbors” in town.
Jesus never intended for us to condense our concern to our own neighborhood. That is not what he meant by “neighbor”.
It can be a waste of time and energy. Another way to say this is, “When do you stop?” The easy answer is “Never”, but that is not the Jesus model. Again, you are not the only person that God can send their way. Your responsibility, if you accept and act on it, is to tell. Their response is between them and the Lord.
In Mark 6:8-12, Jesus sent the disciples out in pairs to various towns. Among the instructions he gave them, was to discern when it was time to move on, to stop in that place and go to the next. He said, “And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.” (6:11)
If your near neighbor doesn’t listen, please don’t imagine that Jesus intends for you to keep banging on them until they submit. To keep spending your time and energy on someone who might hear it differently someday from someone else – perhaps a Christ follower who helps them in a real time of need with no quid pro quo. There are so many more that need your time and energy with the Gospel… it’s OK to move on.
What do you do when you’re done? Let’s say you are one of the rare ones that make it to the “Bigs” – you are ready willing and able to share the Gospel with your near neighbors. Either they listen or they don’t, but you’ve done what you’ve been encouraged to do. All eight of your neighbors have heard about Christ from you. They understand the Gospel message and have responded or not.
Now what? Are you done? You no longer have to share the Gospel because you’ve shared with your neighbors? Hardly. You apparently have two choices.
You can move to a new home so that you have new neighbors.
You are now you’re at the place that Jesus taught about and ministered to – strangers and acquaintances. How are you going to do that? We should figure this out because there are so many more of them….
What are you going to do?
The church needs to be The Church. Jesus did not intend for most of us to stand alone. In fact, the church – the body of Christ – should be the source of our ministry together in the community, not just disparate individuals living out the Christ-life and alone serving and witnessing to others. The church needs to foment the spirit of and practice of the evangelistic lifestyle by modeling, training and creating the reputation for the church that aligns with Scripture.
When Jesus showed up in a place, He quickly created a presence and reputation of help and relief. Remember, he called it “mercy” in the parable? Those who traveled with Him shared in this reputation. The word of His ministry spread because of the integrity of His reputation. Those who traveled with Him shared in this reputation. Their word about Jesus was believable because of this reputation.
We live in a culture where the “church” has a different reputation. Thanks to the internet and very public fails of prominent Christian leaders; very public falls of those who preach something other than Jesus, but in His name; and the very real legalism and culture wars within local congregations, the community around us “knows” our reputation even though what they “know” may not align with what we think our reputation is. But get this if you don’t get anything else: If your church is not proactive in the community, demonstrating your real values and heart – your reputation, then you will inherit whatever reputation your neighbors believe all churches have.
As church leaders, you must lead your church to be that place of hope, grace, and relief for those in your community and beyond. You will have to double-down to overcome the reputation that you have been painted with by virtue of the fact that you are a church. Find needs and meet them. Help people in real need. Involve your members in building a reputation that your members can be proud of, so they can, like Jesus’ followers, easily say, “Come and see”, and their words will be believed because of the reputation of the church.
“Come and see” is T-ball witnessing. It is up to the church to create a reputation that will empower the witness. As a believer learns to handle the harder stuff coming in, the reputation of the church will not be as important to their individual witness. But there should always be new believers that need to first step up to the tee.
When people “come and see”, the church needs to be prepared with systems and a process whereby those with more experience can create opportunities to share the Gospel.
Experienced believers may even get to the point where they can share with a really tough crowd. This may be, while Paul went to the Gentiles, all of the other disciples, for the most part, stayed with the Jews. God loves the tough crowds, too. But, in this journey, many others will hear about Jesus along the way.
Does it really matter who tells your near neighbor about Jesus, as long as they are told? Does it matter more that your neighbor is told than the people 3 doors down? 5 Blocks away? A church – or churches working together in a community – who provide the reputation, motivation, resources, training and experience necessary for T-ball witnessing through “Bigs” evangelism will be The Church. Many neighbors will be told. Many more than with the Near Neighbor Focus.
I am the offspring of an agnostic Jew and lapsed Lutheran. I did not meet Christ through the witness of an evangelical, by reading a tract (Chick or otherwise), or being persuaded by the preaching of the Gospel or any other part of the scripture. I did not meet Christ in church, though I was there most Sundays.
Both of my parents were religious in their own ways. Dad, Jewish by birth and an admitted agnostic, believed that God “set the world spinning and then left it alone”. There were no consequences of sin in his system, even though there was the occaisional expectation of adherance to one Jewish tenet or another, while rejecting so many others. I never understood what Mom believed. Raised as a Lutheran, the church, the Bible, Jesus… I have no memory of any of this being a part of her conversation or life direction.
Jesus invaded my life at Ft. Jackson, SC as an 18 year old Army National Guard trainee. I did not know that He would. I did not ask for or expect what He did. I simply begged Him for help with the complete self-awareness that my life was such a mess, that I no longer wanted to be who I was. I was wretched, profane, lustful, angry, jealous, proud, arrogant, and friendless. I was alone and knew that I knew no way out.
I did not have labels for all of what I was. And I did not know or understand what help would come, I only knew that there was no other place to turn to for help. In an instant I was changed. No sinner’s prayer, no memorized verses – just a simple one word plea for “help”. The invasion was instantaneous and complete; the journey only just begun.
My parents rejected the radical change they saw in my life. And let me be clear, this change they saw was only a joy in my countenance and conversation. I did not know scripture. I did not have a church to recommend. At this point, no one had spoken into my life about my speech or behavior (though there was much about both that Christ would later step into). I was only changed. I did not know how to explain why, but it was painfully obvious to them.
In fact, I was one that was so “lost”, I did not know that I was “saved”. I didn’t know what that meant. Though I was in a Protestant church most Sundays, I had never heard that word in the spiritual context. A brief encounter with a storefront bible study leader gave verbiage to my voice when he showed me in God’s Word what had happened to me. It was then that the words “Jesus” and “saved” became part of my conversation. But by then, my parents were already convinced I had joined a cult. They were so convinced until their deaths, that they, on more than one occasion, tried to turn me at first, and then years later my children, away from Christ.
As I grew up, the church – because it was my only social outlet – was a big part of my life. I was there almost every week. Acolyte, youth group, choir, handbells, media… I did it all. I attended 2 out of 3 years of catechism classes, and my church “confirmed” I was a Christian by telling me I was (even though, by their standards, I was only ⅔ Christian). They even gave me a certificate. I was baptized when I was 13 because – and only because – I realized I was the only one in my Sunday School class that had not been baptized. In fact, my 3 siblings and I were all baptized at the same time because – and only because – of that realization.
I knew about God because they talked about Him a lot. I knew about Jesus because they talked about Him a lot. I knew He died on the cross because of pictures and the Easter story. And therein lies the sum total of what I comprehended about salvation from my quasi-religious parents and active church life.
Today, I know exactly what Jesus did for me. I know what I am forgiven for. And that forgiveness was provided by an experience so much harder, so much more gruesome than the cross, we do Jesus an injustice to give the cross that credit. I am not saying the cross is unimportant. I am not saying the cross was not a fulfillment of prophecy. And I am certainly not saying that the cross is neither rugged nor old.
What I am saying is, one of these things is not like the other:
Jesus died on the cross. Jesus died for my sin.
They both happened. They are both important. They are symbiotic in a critical process. But they’re not the same thing.
The death He died for my sin, was the death I will not experience. I may experience a difficult and gruesome death, be it a cross or cancer, but I will never experience the more difficult and costly death from which I am saved – because of what he did to free me from that. And the devastation and agony of THAT death cannot be adequately compared to the temporary pain and suffering of the cross.
Jesus died on the cross so that he could die for my sin.
Jesus physically died on the cross so that he could then pay the spiritual price for my sin.
And if you think that the physical death was worse than the spiritual one, please consider that you need to reconsider.
He paid a debt he did not owe.
I owed a debt I could not pay.
Because of a very difficult illness suffered by my wife (and thereby, our entire family) as our kids were growing up, God gave me in our children answer to prayer that I had no words for which to ask. Each of them brought into my life a portion of God’s grace that helped save me emotionally, and save our family.
While my wife was so ill, and I was seemingly so alone, our oldest wanted to talk – to talk theology, to debate, to challenge – while in middle school and beyond. Oh, how I needed someone to talk to – and take my mind off of the lot of our lives at that time. I still cherish opportunities for those conversations.
Our middle child was full of grace and care. She was the “daddy’s girl”. She forgave me when I was gruff or angry. She just knew when I needed a hug. She understood without being asked how much we needed her help with her Mom. Oh, how I needed that unconditional care and grace!
Our youngest, our son, could make you laugh just by walking in the room or by giving any number of “looks” that can’t be reproduced by anyone else. I can’t tell you how powerfully important that was to me in those days – to be able to laugh in the midst of terrible days. And I still look forward to the looks!
Bethany, my mind; Sarah, my heart; and Jesse, my soul. God gave me in my children the protection and strength to press on; just a bit of Himself with flesh on…
Bethany graduated from high school the year before a job situation forced us to move from Georgia to Colorado. I was getting accustomed to her being gone, even though she was just two hours away. Sarah was about to be a high school senior. Her church and friends were a tremendous strength in her life. As we looked at all of the scenarios involving the move, we determined that the best thing to do was to leave Sarah in Georgia with dear friends, so that she could continue to flourish.
We moved – our full house now down to three.
I wept every day for months. My “mind” was at college. I missed her, but this was the way it was supposed to be. My “soul” – gratefully – was with us in Colorado. But my “heart” was absent. Separated. Distant. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
I missed her every day. I missed every day of her senior year. I missed every game she played, every event she was in. Every joy she experienced. Every pain she endured. And I missed her much needed grace – the hugs, forgiveness, and care. I still weep today at times for her – and for all we missed together. I miss her still.
That’s just my inkling of “forsaken”.
Jesus did not cry out when beaten. He did not cry out when nailed. He only cried out when He was forsaken. To pay for our sin, the Father had to leave the Son. For the first time – the only time – in all of eternity, they were seperated. He became alone, so you and I would never be alone again. In agony, Jesus cried out, experiencing the incomprehensible pain of this forsakenness. And then he died. And then, for what we count as a bit more than 2 days, he died again: he paid for my sin, your sin, and the sin of the entire world. This is the death that the song speaks of.
He paid a debt He did not owe.
He took on the consequences of my sin and yours. He applied to himself that which The Father would never allow into the heavenly kingdom. He immersed himself in the wretched, profane, lustful and grotesque. He covered Himself with the appalling, the horror, the pain, and the grief. He took on the mantle of the abusive, the murderous, and the decaying. He wrapped himself in the garments of the arrogant and proud, liars and cheaters; and the morally filthy and corrupt. My sin. And yours.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
Jesus did die on the cross.
And then He paid a debt He did not owe.
The cross took hours.
The grave took days.
And if you think that the physical death was worse than the spiritual one, please consider that you need to reconsider. If you think the cross was the hard task, then ask yourself – given the choice, which one would you choose?
Skip the cross and take the grave. Take the cross and skip the grave.
Some may ask, “Then why the cross?”
Indeed, this question has been asked for centuries. If the battle for our sin was in the spiritual realm, then what difference did it make how He died. Why not a heart attack or old age? Why such a gruesome physical death if the spiritual death was what mattered.
“To fulfill prophecy” is not the sufficient answer to “Why”. Whatever the mode of His death, that is what would have been prophesied. That is not why this matters. It matters because this was His choice. And like every other event, conversation, miracle and relationship in His life, this was a purposeful and deliberate decision.
The cross does matter, so important that He endured it. I believe it to be His final parable. A picture-story so horrific, that for any with eyes to see and ears to hear, they would have at least an inkling of, to the degree possible for man, the devastating price he paid, what He has forgiven us from, and what agape love truly means.
I can’t imagine a stronger picture-parable of the ultimate sacrifice He paid. The price of our sin is high. This was no easy task, so no easy physical death would do. He spent every breath of His life, every waking moment strategically and purposefully revealing, teaching, and preparing those who followed Him to understand and pursue their calling to continue to follow him. Their understanding of the price that was paid, and the subsequent victory that was won was sufficient to move his disciples to a life-long pursuit of that call, even when long life was not their lot. And for this pursuit, He provided a vivid, tangible story-experience to empower that work; to give verbiage to their voice and ours – to give us an inkling by what was seen, of that which was unseen; that we may be able to bear witness to the depth of His sacrifice on our behalf.
I have to tell you, the cross alone, for me, is not sufficient to that end. But the war He fought for me with Death and the Grave; beaten back in the victory of His resurrection, forever will be.
The cross is vitally important to our mission. It is the picture of what He did for us.
However, I am forever grateful that he did the harder work as well.
Words matter. Rather, the meanings of words matter and by that, we mean – words matter.
At the risk of stepping into the universe where the reader’s meaning often matters more than the author’s meaning, our attempt here is to speak to what The Author meant by this amazing word that we misuse. While focusing on the Author’s meaning can be helpful for analysis and open dialogue, comprehending it is much more vital to the “peace that passes all understanding” (Phil 4:7) in our own lives.
In the recent weeks, there has been a flurry of devastating reports about those that teach, expect, and seemingly demand forgiveness as a response to a horrendous assault. We are afraid that the way the word “forgiveness” is perceived – perhaps by those assaulted and to many who enter the conversation only through media – is as
a sort of magic wand, whereby the assaulted or offended waive away any consequence or responsibility of the offender “because that’s what good Christians do” or
a weapon used to silence the assaulted, demanding greater spiritual maturity from them than their attacker.
Forgiveness is not a magic wand and it does nothing to remedy the attack or solve problems larger than the one experienced by the one assaulted. To weaponize forgiveness in order to silence those assaulted is a reprehensible power play, worthy of any Pharisee Jesus encountered.
We do not know what the intention or heart is of those who have advised forgiveness in any of these reported or many unreported offenses. We were not there. We did not hear their tone or the full context of their comment. We only know how it reads in the media – and it is that reading that prompts this response.
Forgiveness does not absolve the offender of guilt
Forgiveness does not bring resolution to implied or apparent larger problems
Forgiveness does not abdicate the responsibility of the offender
Forgiveness does not eliminate the need for accountability
Forgiveness does not supersede the necessity for consequences
Forgiveness does not demand or imply the restoration of relationship
One of the things that we should do is strive to understand the full meaning of what The Author meant by the words that He used. And He never used the word “forgiveness” in these ways.
Visiting the Example of the Author of Forgiveness
Jesus’ death is the price that was paid for our forgiveness. He loves us and died for us. And because He forgave us, we have eternal life with Him. While this is true, it is a too-simplistic and gap-filled explanation of the magnitude of that event, and it does not suffice.
Jesus did indeed offer us – the whole world – forgiveness by his death/resurrection. But no one – no one in the whole world – received forgiveness simply because it was – and is – available.
Forgiveness is for the benefit of the offended, wounded and the assaulted – not for the ones doing the offending and assaulting. We know that flies in the face of contemporary religious thought. But it is to the benefit of the wounded and offended to offer it, not to the benefit of the abuser/offender. The offended offering forgiveness should have no fear of the offender receiving it absent true repentance. It matters not what words they say or actions they take. Only true repentance aligns with true forgiveness. Additionally, since forgiveness does not imply or demand the restoration of relationship, the offended need not fear some obligation to the same.
Jesus offers forgiveness, not because we need it (although we absolutely do), but because He wanted to offer it. The fact that we need it does not mandate it. The fact that God wants a relationship with us is what mandates it. Certainly, we benefit from it should we receive it. But it is not possessed by anyone who does not demonstrate their desire by repentance. The unrepentant are not forgiven. As much as we need forgiveness, it is not to our benefit; it is to His.
“But wait, what about…”
Confessing with my mouth and believing in my heart (Rom 10:9)
Saved by grace through faith (Eph 2:8-10)
Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved (Acts 16:30-31)
Praying “the sinner’s prayer“
Asking Jesus into my heart
Without delving deeply into these for their own merits and implications, unless repentance is the attitude of the heart, then these are motions merely gone through; insufficient regardless of sincerity. To be clear, asking without a repentant heart is to ask vainly. Believing with an unrepentant heart is not the belief that leads to salvation. (James 2:19)
“But wait, where do these passages say I need to repent?”
This question illustrates a telltale failure of contemporary preaching and curriculum driven teaching. It is the whole Bible, not any one passage that gives us the whole truth. John the Baptist, Jesus and the Apostles preached repentance from the beginning of their earthly ministries (Matt 3:2, Matt 11:20-21, Luke 5:32, Luke 13:1-5, Luke 15, Acts 2:38, Acts 13:24). We don’t forget about that just because we’re reading from a different passage. To do that is tantamount to Jesus saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near, but you won’t need to do that if you just wait until Paul writes Romans 10:9.”
To do that is tantamount to Jesus saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near, but you won’t need to do that if you just wait until Paul writes Romans 10:9.”
Let’s say that you asked me for my favorite biscuit recipe. I might tell you:
In a large mixing bowl sift together ½ tsp salt, 2 cups of flour, and 1 tbsp of baking powder. Cut in ½ cup shortening with fork or pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Pour ¾ cup of buttermilk into flour mixture while stirring with a fork.
After rolling out, cutting, and baking the biscuits, you offer me one – one of the blandest, most tasteless biscuits I’ve ever had.
“Where’s the salt?”, I ask.
‘Oh, I didn’t think I needed to add it since it was the first thing you said. I thought I only needed to add the stuff that made them look like biscuits.”
Forgiveness is the way for the wounded and offended to release the offense, to not carry the grudge, to not hold it to the account of the offended. It is because this is how the Author understands forgiveness that eternity with Him is available – He does not hold our sin to our account. He, who first loved us, has made that possible by offering forgiveness. That is to His benefit because it is He who first wanted a relationship with us.
Forgiveness has no effect or impact on the offender until the very high and humbling price of repentance is paid. Forgiveness is good for the forgiver. The only impact on the offender is that it is available. It is not received simply based on that availability. It cannot be claimed by the offender simply to gain its benefit.
Forgiveness allows the forgiver to heal, to move forward, to live life without a grudge, to not hold on to the devastating event as if it is now the basis of who they are – the driving force that defines their life and future. Forgiveness is the path to freedom from a life controlled by the sin of others.
But, for the offender, the forgiveness offered by others imparts no such freedom. The forgiven receives no inherent or automatic benefit of forgiveness offered. No wand is waived. No magic exists. Forgiveness exists, much like a gift. The one forgiven may see it and want it – but it is not theirs simply because it has been expressed and placed in a common space.
The abuser/offender only receives the benefit of forgiveness through the path of repentance evidenced in part, by godly sorrow. The only way that forgiveness granted influences forgiveness received is the awareness of its existence. The offender must still humble themselves or be humiliated into such sorrow. The offender must be repentant of their offense, honestly and sorrowfully so. This is the benefit to the offender. True, whole-hearted, sorrowful repentance is their path to the freedom from a life controlled by their own sin.
Forgiveness is the path to freedom from a life controlled by the sin of others.
Repentance is the path to freedom from a life controlled by my own sin.
Here is the truth.
Should the offender never repent, the offended can still be free from the spiritual grudge-controlled life by forgiving.
Should the offended never forgive, the offender can still be free from the spiritual guilt of the offense by repentance.
They can both be free and never know of the other’s freedom.
Unfortunately in our media-driven world, these are areas that are only truly visible to the Author of forgiveness. No one can tell if forgiveness has truly been given – but the forgiver and Author will know, and that is sufficient for them. No one can truly know that the offender has sorrowfully and remorsefully repented. The repentant and Author will know, and that is sufficient for them. They both know that the Author of forgiveness (and repentance) knows.
For the rest of us – the observers of lives thrust into the public view, we should be careful to allow time and space for both forgiveness and repentance in lives that are not our own. Should we not, we are not far from the ocular plank (Matt 7:3-5). (It may well benefit us to realize that the media cares little about planks.)
And since words matter, “repentance” does not mean remorse, sorrow, apology, fear, sadness, or any other number of terms or adjectives that are in common understanding today. The Author of forgiveness says that repentance is a complete turnaround. The offender chooses to never offend again. Those hiding the offense choose to never hide the offense again. Those who believe that their actions and attitudes were normal (“That’s just who I am”), now believe those actions and attitudes to be abhorrent and vile. That is repentance. Expand that definition with “sorrowful” and “remorseful” and you will begin to understand what the Author of forgiveness has in mind.
Let’s bring that down to today’s news. Pastors and missionaries, missionary organizations, associational and state convention employees that commit or hide such abhorrent behavior need to repent. Without it, forgiveness from the assaulted is not yours, even if those assaulted have given it. They know it. You know it. And the Author of forgiveness knows it.
It matters little if your repentance is from your own volition, or if it comes from being outed to your shame. It matters little if anyone believes you have repented. The Author of forgiveness will know. And that is not only enough, but it is also all that really matters eternally. But on this earthly coil, it will not and should not alleviate consequences. It will not and should not by necessity, restore your reputation or relationships. But it will matter – to you and to the One to whom it should.